ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
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He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.