I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office