I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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