Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa