I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.