I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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