I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!