And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours