mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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