Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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