Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
