the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
