I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
its liver damage thursday
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
