Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
