WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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