There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
