Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
