I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
