My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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