i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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