Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
