Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
