I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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