I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
