I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
