I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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