Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
