And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
