Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
