He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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