I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
