Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
