New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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