It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
