someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Couch. On fire.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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