can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize