i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
