I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize