wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
