you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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