I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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