none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
