i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize