I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize