I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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