Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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