I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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