if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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