she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize