just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
