Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
