i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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