I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
