I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
