new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
