Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
