Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
