On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk is a universal language darling
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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