There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Everything about him screamed your future.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
