I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
