i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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