i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
