Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
not ubering you a puppy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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