I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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