You made me cry and you don't even care
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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