I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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