Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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