forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
