It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
