so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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