i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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