i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
