Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
