Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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